Well, I’m making one. After taking on more work than a body can possibly handle, I’ve moved all the accounting duties to BJ to handle while I pursue Rhinestone Red’s and Real Illusion Corn Kernels and all that those two embody. I am coming into my own, and while I’m still not sure what that means a transition has begun and we both know it.

Since turning 16 I’ve worked 40 hours a week while going to school full time. After graduation, I had a brief period of being married and divorced and then started working two or more jobs ever since. I know I’m a workaholic, of that I’m certain, but I haven’t always had to work this hard for so long without a good return or…help.

Since my mother died I guess unknowingly I’ve been making changes and decisions and some are for the better and some probably not. What I do know is I’m not following anyone else’s dream any more. The chances of me dying early from cancer are almost 100% and I’m terrified that the only the thing on my tombstone will be “She was a hard worker”. I need to live. I need to breathe. I need to feel my heart sing. I’m pursuing these paths.

Moving away from Maverick, which was Dad’s and BJ’s dream, and into Rhinestone Red’s, the rodeo crowd, the hunting crowd, and the DIVAs/shooting is my dream. I’m excited about this. I’m scared about this. But of this I’m certain, I’m going to work hard at it. I pray God will bless my new adventures as he always has. I thank him for holding me up when I no longer had the strength or desire to step another step. My God has plans for me and I’m excited for what He has in store. I’m scared too, but I know he’s in charge, so for me that makes it easy to seize the day.

I’ve still got a lot of work to do. I’m still broke. I’m still going to have many, many late nights. But giving the accounting of Maverick over to someone else means I no longer have to worry and panic about not getting it done. The constant reminder that our men need to be paid and there is no money, the heavy weight of so many lives depending on ‘you’…that part never goes away. But at least the daily operation is in someone elses hands who has the time to get it done, and done right. He’s got his hands full. I pray God helps him.

I pray God helps us. I pray God helps our nation.