Remember when summer vacation meant freedom? Freedom from school and all of it’s responsibilities. When running barefoot, shorts, warm summer breezes, and the thrill of driving your first car was all that was on your mind?

If kids knew what we knew they wouldn’t wish their lives away. I remember being 13. I wanted to be 16. When I was 16 I wanted to be 18. When I was 18 I wanted to be 21. Now, I’d like to be 21 again! LOL.

I guess if my childhood were better I’d like to try the teens again but for me they were as miserable as life could have possibly been. The mental and physical abuse was not pretty. Glad to have that done.

It’d be most fun to go back with all the knowledge I’ve got now. I’d be a genius. LOLLOLOlo. I’d probably still make a bunch of mistakes. But I wouldn’t make the same ones.

I hope. 

Life is strange and weird and fun and sad. I’m glad to be given the blessings I’ve had but the heartaches and pain too. It’s shaped me to who I am, and who I’m becoming, and that’s okay.

I’d like to go back to those happy care free days of youth and actually enjoy them. I’d do it different that’s for sure. If I had known then how much I would work as an adult…I might have taken more than just Wednesday off for bowling league during high school!

I’d rethink the decision to smoke and probably adjust a few boyfriends and dates as well. One night in particular just months before graduation left a pretty deep scar in my soul that’s been difficult to overcome.

I wonder how different life would be if you could makes changes and adjustments to the past. God doesn’t cause bad things to happen, and we’re given free will. He works with our own sin and fallicies to mold us to his purpose. Would I be here today if I could change a few things? Would I be wondering about life and purpose, past and future, and my place in it?

I don’t know. All I can do right now is talk to him about it like I did dad today. Because ultimately he knows best. And sometimes I really just need to learn to shut up and listen. Even if it’s not what I want to hear.