It's About Me

I bought a new vacuum. This one to be exact.

It has ‘cyclonic’ technology, whatever that means. I’ve heard of it, and I’m sure it’s important. That’s why I bought a cleaner with it.

I was most impressed by this.

Now, you have to understand we live in the sticks. We have pasture for ‘yard’, and with the drought, it’s more like a sandbox, with dried weeds. And animal droppings. The house is full of animals too. That take trips out into the yard. They bring some of the yard back in with them. See, I tried out the new vacuum. That’s ‘yard’.

Did I mention I vacuum daily? Did I mention that my old vacuum wasn’t working very good, that’s why I bought a new one? Nothing like a new vacuum to show how bad the old one wasn’t working, eh? What, you don’t think Martha Stewart’s vacuum looks like this when she gets done?

The book says I’m to press a button and the dirt will come out the bottom here.

I did that. But what is this?

And this?

Eww. And what is this? Oh, that’s what’s left on the outside of the vacuum after I vacuum. I need a vacuum, to vacuum the vacuum. Because of the static. And the hair. And whatever that little brown bit is. Oh my, what would Martha say? “Shelly, why such ugly, green, matted carpet?” That’s probably what I’d say too.

When I went to dump my yard back into the yard, look what I discovered, besides that I’m way over due for a manicure.

And here’s another one.

And the book verifies their existence.

So, do we need to re-mention this sticker on the outside of the canister?

Or show you this…after one vacuum? My my. My manicure is really terrible. Is that yellow snow?

Don’t get me wrong, when you have dirt floors like I do, and 2 dogs, 5 cats, 2 danglers and myself adding to it daily you probably need filters. I was just confused by the sticker. And the book.

And then I wonder, whose house do they test these designs on. It wasn’t mine. The book also says this:

But then, I’d need to revacuum the floor and the vacuum. And wash my jeans. And hands.

Don’t try this indoors.

Martha take pity on this poor fool! I need a new floor!

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